Stealing Joy

Originally published May 4, 2019

We often make decisions because it’s going to make someone else happy e.g., your parents, your boss, your hairdresser, your doctor and on and on. Don’t get me wrong, it’s goodness to make decisions with input from others, but often it’s at the cost of our own joy and that’s where you must learn to draw a line in the sand and not acquiesce. It can be something as simple as what paint color to use or to the very extreme of not pursuing your dreams or perhaps important decisions that will affect your future or even just memories that you want to make.

How many times have you politely done something because you didn’t want to hurt the feelings of someone or were told ‘it’s the right thing to do,’ or you were straight up told to do it and you didn’t want to disrespect that person, or were manipulated, yet inside you were screaming because it’s not what you wanted, and you had nothing but an empty pit in your stomach and a very unfulfilled feeling. How many times have you lived your life around the ideals of others, too afraid to make a fuss? Guess what, your joy was stolen!

On the flip side, how many times have you insinuated your ideals on someone because you honestly believe your way is the best way, or that they are breaking some cardinal rule or used manipulation to make a person see things your way. Families do this to each other all the time (but not limited to)! I think it’s an unsaid rule that it’s a rite of passage – WRONG! It is never our right to steal someone’s joy!

When I say ‘stealing joy’ it’s not happiness I’m referring to. Happiness is an emotion, whereas joy is something that’s part of you, deep in your soul that ONLY you feel, it’s exceptional and satisfying. You know what I’m talking about; we’ve all experienced it. But for the person that wants you to do or be their way, it’s their happiness and perhaps ego they are fostering – yes happiness and ego – no joy. They feel good (and about themselves) when they convince someone to be or do what they want. Big difference between planting a seed of hope vs. doubt.

I don’t think anyone genuinely wants to steal joy, but we get caught up in what we believe and forget that there are always multiple perspectives in a conversation. We forget to listen and instead burden the person with a passion for what we believe, or our controlling ways, or with our egos and become thieves of their joy. Not Cool!!!

If you resonate with any of this STOP. Don’t let your joy be stolen and stop stealing joy. In the end we all must walk our own path and better to walk beside the person cheering them on vs. walking in front of them and taking their joy just so you can steer their path your way.